Last June CLF received a petition from Richard Haymaker, Chair of the Gun Responsibility Task Force of the Unitarian Church of Baton Rouge. Alarm bells rang in my head as I read yet another account of the senseless violence and casual taking of life in our society. Increasingly the violence once associated only with inner cities and illegal activities is being seen in suburban communities. A 1992 survey of 47,000 "middle America" youth in grades 6 through 12-a group that is thought to embody America's values, norms and spirit-reveals 55% have been involved in one or more acts of violence in the past year. (Violence was defined as hurting or beating up someone, vandalism, or using a weapon to get something you want.) Another study found that 43% of 12 to 18 year-olds say it is okay for siblings of either sex to hit each other as a way of dealing with conflict.

I read these and other alarming statistics and wonder-surely they aren't talking about my child or any of the boys in my scout den. The frightening truth is that they most likely are. Chances are each of us knows someone who either has been or will be a violent offender. Sadly, many of us will be or know victims of these violent acts as well.

When I read these statistics I feel overwhelmed-paralyzed by the many contributing social and political factors which are beyond my control. However, there is growing acceptance and tolerance of violence underlying our society today which each and every one of us can do something to change. Our attitude toward violence is shaped in part by our understanding of it. Our response to violence is affected by the skills we have to deal with it. The following is a brief look at the roots of violence and ways parents can respond.

The Roots of Violence
Where does violence come from? Like most human behavior, its roots are both physical and psychological.
ˇ Hormones
Testosterone, the male hormone (found in both boys and girls but dominant in boys), is a drug-like force which researchers have linked to aggressiveness and the drive to dominate others. Testosterone predisposes boys to seek out risky behavior, challenge themselves and test the limits around them. It shapes the tension-release cycle seen in the run-and-tackle play of preschool boys and, later, male sexual behavior. In diverse cultures, boys can be observed expressing their masculine drive with kicking, hitting and verbal aggression.
ˇ Temperament
Temperament is another physical factor influencing violent behavior. Research shows that 20-month-old babies who are shy, restrained, and inhibited in temperament are less likely to develop aggressive, violent behavior than children whose early temperament is characterized as sociable, spontaneous and relatively fearless. Jerome Kagan, researcher at Harvard University, speculates that it is these temperamental differences which account for the fact that not all children from "high risk" homes and neighborhoods develop violent behavior. In addition to these physical components a host of psychological and emotional needs also contribute to violent behavior. As soon as a child begins to separate from his/her parents- as early as eighteen months- the natural drive for independence and mastery of one's environment can take a violent form. Building a tall tower of blocks just to knock it down, pushing another child away, "shooting" everyone with a toy gun, or shouting "No" in the face of a simple request are all examples of a child's effort to feel masterful, in control, safely independent. Such feelings are essential to healthy development.
ˇFeelings
Similarly, expression of negative feelings can also take violent forms, especially in young children who have not yet learned to control their impulses. Feelings of frustration and anger may lead to kicking a younger sibling or breaking a toy. Impulse control is an essential skill to be learned in theearly years. Offering children acceptable ways to expressnegative feelings is an important task of parenting.
ˇGender
Identification Identifying with the same-sex parent is another developmental task of the preschool years that influences violent behavior-especially for boys. To separate from mother, young boys model behavior which is traditionally non-maternal. In our culture this behavior tends to be aggressive, strong and violent.

What Role Does Hollywood Play?
The conclusion drawn by the American Psychological Association after twenty-five years of research is that "viewing televised violence may lead to increases in aggressive attitudes, values and behavior, particularly in children." Despite increasing evidence to support this view, television producers and the toy industry, which owns 80% of all children's programming, refuses to acknowledge it.

In a very thoughtful and helpful book, Who's Calling the Shots?, it is argued that linking war toys to TV programs has taken control of children's play away from them. Dramatic "war play" in and of itself is not bad. In fact, imaginative war play can be a healthy outlet for hostile feelings, gaining a sense of mastery, learning about boundaries, cooperation, morality etc. But today's children are becoming less imaginative and more imitative in their play-they simply copy what they see on a TV show and don't get the benefits of acting out their own feelings, making sense of their own ideas and experiences.

Dr. Thomas Radecki, research director of the National Coalition on Television Violence points out that "the destructive impact of the popular culture is not just a kids' issue. TV watching adults are more likely to purchase handguns, support military solutions to world problems, and overestimate the amount of violence in the real world." Desensitization, the slow process by which attitudes and responses become more accepting because of repeated exposure, is clearly one consequence of violence in the media for all ages.

What Can Parents Do?
With all these forces-physical, psychological, cultural- what can parents do to promote nonviolence in children and our society? If you are inclined to get politically active, see the list of organizations on the following Resources page. If you are not so inclined, there is still a great deal you can do within your own circle of family and friends. ˇProvide opportunities for mastery
From the earliest years on, provide opportunities for your child to have a sense of power and mastery. Children feel empowered when their feelings and needs are acknowledged and they are allowed to express them. ("I know you like to feel strong and powerful, but it's not okay to hurt other people. See how far you can hit this ball in-stead of hitting Joey.")
ˇDon't Panic!
Don't panic when your toddler makes a gun out of the bristle blocks! Dramatic play which comes from a child's own imagination is his or her way of understanding and working through complex feelings and experiences. Help your son and daughter keep "war play" their own as much as possible by not buying single-purpose TV-based toys. Parents can influence the attitudes and values their children learn from their play by sharing in it and talking about it. (Who's Calling the Shots has many wonderful examples of this.) Delay regular TV viewing as long as possible to help your child develop a broad repertoire of play. The more children know how to play on their own, the less influenced they will be by the media.
ˇTeach conflict resolution
As your children grow, continue to give them a sense of power and mastery by involving them in family routines and decisions. Use everyday conflicts to teach non-violent negotiation and conflict resolution. See the Resources page for helpful ideas on setting limits, providing choices and finding "win-win" solutions.
Finally, evaluate your own attitude and response to violence. If you enjoy violence-focused action movies, think about why. It probably has to do with satisfying your own needs for excitement and risk-taking. Is there another way you could meet these needs? Remember, you are your children's most important role model. Find non-violent alternatives to meet your own needs and you will teach your children to do the same.

Sources:
National Research Council, Understanding and Preventing Violence. Washington, D.C.: National Academy of Sciences, 1993.
Carlsson-Paige, Nancy & Levin, Diane E. Who's Calling the Shots? Philadelphia: New Society Publishers, 1990.

Benson, Peter L. & Roehikepartain, Eugene C. Youth violence in Middle America. Source, Vol.VIII, Number 3, 1992.

Medved, Michael. The truth about Hollywood's impact. Ethics: Easier Said Than Done, Issue 21, 1993.

Elium, Don & Elium, Jeanne. Raising a son. Hillsboro, OR: Beyond Words Publishing, 1992.

Resources for Violence Prevention

Books:
Carlsson-Paige, Nancy & Levin, Diane. Who's calling the shots?Philadelphia: New Society Publishers, 1990. (ISBN 0-86571-165-8)

Damon, W. The moral child. New York: The Free Press, 1988.

Drew, Naomi. Learning the skills of peacemaking: an activity guide for elementary-age children on communicating, cooperating, resolving conflict. Rolling Hills Estates, CA: Jalmar Press, 1987. (ISBN: 0-915190-46-X)

Elium, Don & Elium, Jeanne. Raising a sow parents and the making of a healthy man. Hillsboro, OR: Beyond Words Publishing, 1992. (ISBN: 0-941831-70-1)

Faber, Adele & Mazlish, Elaine. How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids
will talk. New York Avon Books, 1980.

Miedzisn, Myriain. Boys will be boys: breaking the link between masculinity and violence. New York: Bantam Books, 1991.

Popkin, Michael. Active parenting: teaching cooperation, courage and responsibility. 1987. Available from CLF Loan Library.

Organizations:
Action for Children's Television (ACT)
20 University Road
Cambridge, MA 02138
(617) 876-6620
Advocates for diversity in children's television, truth in children's advertising and regulation of TV by the FCC. ACT distributes a newsletter, books, films and TV viewing guide for kids.

Children's Creative Response to Conflict(CCRC)
Box 271
Nyack, NY 10960
(914) 358-4601
Publishes teaching and parenting materials and a newsletter to help children learn to cooperative, communicate and deal creatively with conflict

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)
1834 Connecticut Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20009
(800) 424-2460
This professional organization provides many resources of relevance to parents including books, pamphlets, posters and the journal Young Children. Local and regional chapters write position papers and advocate for public policy on issues that affect the well-being of young children.

National Coalition on Television Violence
P.O. Box 2157
Champaign, IL 61820
(217) 384-1920
Monitors TV violence, sends out periodic reports and press releases, and produces a regular newsletter.

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Address of this page: http://www.uua.org/clf/connections/Parenting/violence.html
Last updated August 11, 2002 by clf@uua.org