February 2009

From Your (Guest) Minister

BY MAUREEN KILLORAN, CLF BOARD CHAIR, AND INTERIM MINISTER, UU FELLOWSHIP OF VERO BEACH, FLORIDA

(During her sabbatical, our senior minister, Jane Rzepka, has invited a few of the ministers who serve on our CLF board of directors to share this space.)

I believe it! We receive the lessons we need to learn…and we keep receiving ‘em until we get it at least half-way right. Or so it seemed to me recently, when a trip from North Carolina to Oregon and back took 60+ hours of travel time in total. The smart aleck mantra, “Got time to spare? Go by air!” was in my mind as everything that could go wrong did: equipment malfunction…fog…ice…crew change…lost luggage…extended holding patterns…emergency rates at an airport hotel…except…

Except that, in the end, we did arrive safely at our destinations. Airline personnel were 100% courteous and friendly. A Travelers’ Aid volunteer pointed us to good-quality food and relatively comfortable chairs for our 12 hours in San Francisco. (Hint: Try the sushi in the International Terminal.)

Patience is a virtue, one hard to come by in a world that counts time in nanoseconds. From sound bites to microwaves, we expect life to come in user-friendly format, and we’re quick to take it personally when it doesn’t.

Did you know:

• The average doctor’s visit lasts eight minutes.
• Some fast food restaurants promise lunch in 90 seconds or it’s free.
• The optimum height of a high rise is measured by people’s maximum reported toleration of an
  elevator ride—15 seconds.
• Studies show that most people spend less than 50 seconds brushing their teeth; at the same time, most of us think we spend 3 minutes each time.

On the other side, customer service is rapidly becoming one of this country’s most stressful job areas. Why? Because, after an average wait of 20 minutes on hold, customers are taking their stress out on the human being who takes their call.

Back at that fogged-in airport, and the clutch of more-or-less anxious passengers. One expensively-dressed man puffed himself up, stomped to the podium, and in a voice heard across the crowded waiting area, shouted:

“You don’t understand, I AM IMPORTANT!”

Truth is, we’re all of us—and none of us—important in the larger scheme of things. When big stuff happens, when there’s nothing we can do to effect a change, then the best thing to do is do nothing. Hunker down. Wait gracefully. Breathe. Give thanks for whatever good things may be. “Have patience with all things,” recommended the 16th century cleric St. Francis De Sales, “but chiefly have patience with yourself.”

Life itself is a patient teacher, bringing lessons round again and again. No airport handy? The grocery store makes a great substitute. I dashed in for a five o’clock pickup, just a couple of things to fix dinner for my spouse and me before heading back to church for a Very Important Meeting. Sure enough, there he was—my teacher du jour, an 80-something man with low vision and high confusion, struggling to count out the correct change. The clerk rolled her eyes, tapped the counter with an irritated beat. Come on, I thought. Hurry up. And then I remembered the man in the airport— “You don’t understand, I AM IMPORTANT!” Slow down, Maureen, I made myself think. This is not a big deal. Breathe.

In The Power of Patience, writer M. J. Ryan offers suggestions for putting ourselves—and our lives—in perspective. I especially like her idea of carrying a small stone in my pocket. “When you start to feel irritation arise,” Ryan advises, “move the pebble from one pocket to the other, which will help interrupt the anger cycle and give you a chance to regroup.”

Pebbles are good. And if, like me, you are often caught pocket-less, I offer an even simpler idea: Extend your hand, palm down. Focus on it—yours is unique, unlike any other hand in the world. Now take a deep breath and slowly S-T-R-E-T-C-H your fingers. . . Extend them . . . H-O-L-D it . . . and then RELAX.

Relax your fingers.

Relax your hand.

Relax your heart.

Wherever you are, whatever is going on around you, relax into a place of patience, where breathing is what matters, and there is always enough time to spare.