November 2009

REsources For Living

BY LYNN UNGAR, MINISTER FOR LIFESPAN LEARNING, CHURCH OF THE LARGER FELLOWSHIP

Simon, our sweet grey kitty, died a few days ago. He was an old cat, and hadn’t been well for some time, so it wasn’t really a surprise, but we sure miss him. When someone dies it seems like a bunch of holes open up in the world—places where that person or animal used to be, and isn’t any more. There’s a hole in the morning when the house is quiet and no one is meowing for breakfast, and a hole in the evening when we sit on the couch and there’s no soft, furry being purring on a lap. Those holes that happen when someone dies don’t ever really fill in—you just kind of get used to them.

But the beginning of November brings a holiday that openly honors and even celebrates the holes in our lives left by those who have died. The Mexican holiday El día de los muertos—the Day of the Dead—is a festival to honor the dead, and to fill in those holes with memories. Not only is it a holiday to honor and remember those who have died, it’s a holiday that takes a pretty lighthearted attitude toward death itself. People eat candy in the shape of skulls and hang paper cutouts with dancing skeletons. There is a serious side, of course, as people share memories of those who have died, and go to graveyards to clean and decorate the graves. But even in the graveyards there may be bands that go around to play favorite tunes of the deceased, and it’s very much a part of how one honors the dead during this holiday to tell funny stories about loved ones who have died.

Perhaps you’d like to honor those from your family who have died by celebrating El día de los muertos this year. November 1st and 2nd is the time when the holiday is celebrated, since tradition says that this is the time of the year when the world of the dead is closest to the world of the living. One of the most important traditions for Day of the Dead is building ofrendas, special altars with gifts for the dead. Marigold flowers and incense are on most ofrendas, but also the favorite foods, drinks and belongings of those who have died. An altar for Simon the cat would have cat food, water, and a piece of string, but if you make an altar with, say, your grandpa’s favorite goulash, you should know that the tradition is that the dead enjoy the smell of the good things on the ofrenda, and then the living enjoy the “this world” pleasure of eating the food themselves. If you want to get fancy you can make pan de muertos, bread of the dead, which is a traditional part of these celebrations around Mexico, using a recipe that you can find at the Día de los muertos link of KidTalk (www.clfuu.org/kidtalk). Or you can shape skulls out of marzipan (almond paste), or make paper marigolds from gold or orange tissue paper.

But the most important part of the Day of the Dead is telling stories. Ask your parents, grandparents, aunts or uncles to tell you stories about ancestors who have died. If you didn’t have a chance to know your great-grandparents, ask an older living relative if they have any memories or family stories about them that you can hear. If you were adopted, and don’t know much, or anything, about your biological ancestors, you may have to make do with your imagination for the biological part of your heritage, but no one should miss out on hearing the family stories that are available to them. Think of some questions to ask, like how your great-grandparents met, or who was the first member of your family to settle in the country where you now live. And, if you’ve known a person or pet who has died, tell your own stories. Try to think of something funny you remember about that person or animal, and something you learned from them. You’ll be amazed how telling one story will bring to mind other stories from the rest of the people who knew the loved one who died.

When someone dies, they always leave a bunch of holes behind. Stories are what we put into those holes, so that those we loved can live on in our memories. When we celebrate the dead and tell those stories, then death may still be a sad thing, but it doesn’t have to be hidden and scary. Happy Day of the Dead, and love to all of those whose stories you will tell!